you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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