Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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