I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
