I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
