shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
