Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
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