Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
