So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
