I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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