I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Randomize
