; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
