nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
