my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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