I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Small penises have feelings too.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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