Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
