meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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