that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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