she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
