dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
