Ambien. No doubt about it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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