just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
