so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
