I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
