soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
