I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
