Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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