____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
