remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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