her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
