Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
