Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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