I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
