You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
