my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
