Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
