Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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