oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
