you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
