I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
