Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
