I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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