dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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