so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
