Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
