We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
