i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
