I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
