if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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