I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
