I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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