What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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