Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
