we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
